just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
