I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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