I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
