You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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