dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
