Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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