My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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