Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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