i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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