somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
