I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
