His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
