explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
