rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
