He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
