So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
