I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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