win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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