She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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