I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
