weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The ass gains better be worth it
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