Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
