i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
