i was born a porn star she said
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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