look no pants
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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