He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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