The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
