Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When are your genitals available?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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