More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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