I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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