Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
