Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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