how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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