oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
