Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
