member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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