There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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