There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We don't watch enough power rangers
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
