about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
