I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
