matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
