How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
