i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
