You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
