I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
