Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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