i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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