I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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