Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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