yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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