Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize