I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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