I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
