she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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