I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
