so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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