im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
