Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
