Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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