is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
