it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
