Swine flu. Run for my life!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
