he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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