Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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