Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
