If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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