so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Randomize
